I got the ring back last night. Had a whole bunch of mixed emotions flood back, I felt sick, and I felt like bursting into tears, again.
The fact it was our mutual friend returning it to me and not Penny herself pretty much reiterates every horrible thing about her that I’ve said enough times.
Also, there’s noticeable scratches and scuffs on it, so it’s not even worth that much anymore either. The engagement to her has been a fuck up from beginning to this fucking abysmal end.
And yet she doesn’t give a shit.
I’m in Harwich right now, somewhere I never thought I’d be again.
Yesterday and Thursday I was fine. I actually felt for the first time like I was starting to move on. I ate for the first time in 2 days on Thursday night.
Today though, I’m feeling horribly frustrated again, which is turning to anger. She still hasn’t admitted seeing/fucking the other guy, enforcing how much of a coward she is. I actually feel like I want to know if her family knows at all and what they think, or whether her new work friends know the truth. I want to see her and scream in her heartless fucking face.
It’s a result of the betrayal. I allowed myself to become vulnerable to her, thinking I could trust her. It’s frustration from thinking about how I took the proposal so serious, asking her dad, buying a proper ring, thinking about it for months to decide if it was right and believing her when she said she was ready.
I get the ring back today. A part of me wants to take it back to Dovercourt and throw it in the sea. It’s either that or flog it on eBay. I’m trying to think about how I would write a description about it, without giving away how broken hearted I am.
I wonder if jewellery loses value when it’s worn by a cheating bitch.
Do you ever just “what the fuck is the point” so hard that you stop everything you’re doing and stare and pretty much wonder why you don’t vanish from existence because the level of done you are should pretty much deconstruct your biological makeup
I’ll take that as a no then.